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I created a Facebook page for The Golden Moth Illumination Deck:

www.facebook.com/goldenmothdeck

Please "like" my page to receive updates about events, sales, blog updates, and anything else Golden Moth! Feel free to comment about the deck or experiences you have had with it, too. I'm still trying to create a dialogue on the Golden Moth blog, and would love it if people shared their thoughts here or on Facebook because I've already heard some great stories from some of you.

Thanks!

Shedding Masks and Seeing New Faces

There is a definite chill in the air these days. It's still t-shirt weather for me here in Richmond, VA, but more often than not I will wear a light hoodie while I wait for the clear afternoon sunlight to warm my skin.

I love this kind of weather. I love watching the transition into fall, anticipating the day when I will bundle inside layers of clothing, coats, scarves, and hats that make me feel protected and cocooned against the cold. Being an artist, it feels only natural to sit at my desk and work during these days. While I do want to soak up the perfect autumn days, there isn't the same pull that summertime has with its restless energy.

As we pass the autumnal equinox, the daylight recedes earlier each evening and humans follow the habits of the sun. Our thoughts and inner wanderings become more pronounced as we recede inside of ourselves. I think of October which is coming soon, and the holiday that is the hallmark of the month - Halloween. The modern-day celebration for masked tricksters and glowing pumpkin faces began long ago as a Celtic pagan tradition called Samhain. It was the Celtic New Year, a time to celebrate the gathering of the harvest, honor relatives who had passed, and look towards what the seasons ahead would bring. It was a time of magic, of transitions, when the skin that separated the living and those who passed was very thin.

It is wonderful to feel at peace with transition, with the unveiling of things hidden.

A couple of weeks ago I gave readings at the Blue Elephant (which I'm excited to say will now be a monthly event!) Often when I give readings to many people in a short amount of time, a handful of the same cards will come up again and again - in the same or different positions - within the spread. This is after shuffling, cutting, and having the Querents randomly pick out individual cards that are spread out on the table, so it's not just a matter of the same cards clumping together within the deck. I'm not sure why this happens. Perhaps people intuitively pick up on the energy of cards that have been recently touched. One friend suggested that maybe people go through similar life-themes during certain periods of time, like a cosmic effect. Either way, seeing the same cards over and over again can be disconcerting at times because it's like repetitive deja vu. But it teaches me to be flexible with my interpretations and often alerts me to dimensions of the card that I hadn't noticed before. It's funny to me, and rather amazing, that even though I created these symbols and had specific ideas about their meanings, the cards continue to morph and reveal layers of complexity. These seemingly simple images are so open and inviting if you allow them to be.

One of the cards that came up repeatedly that day is #14. While I advise that no card is inherently positive or negative, I can't help associating this card with unhappiness - which to me is a negative characteristic. However, through the readings I discovered qualities I had not previously recognized, such as judgement, criticalness, and discernment. In themselves, these qualities can be used for beneficial or hindering effects, depending on what the Querent needs in their life. One Querent pointed out to me that #14 is male and the left side of his face is frowning, while #15 is female and her right side if smiling. Not to get too gender-stereotypical, but traditionally males are associated with more analytical, left-brained thinking and women with more intuitive, right-brained thinking. (Although if you want to get really technical, I believe the right and left hemispheres of the brain control the respective opposite sides of the body...) I hadn't thought of these things consciously, but the symbolism had come through intuitively while I was drawing the symbols.

Oh, how I love it when things turn out to be more than they appear.

Dialogue:
Can you think of a time when things turned out to be different than you had previously thought? Do you notice transitions in yourself or others more clearly during certain seasons? 

For those of you who use the Golden Moth Illumination Deck, which cards have come up repeatedly in your readings? Which cards' meanings have revealed multiple dimensions to you over time?

All Eyes on Me

One way that people can become better acquainted with their cards and interpreting the symbols is to do a "Daily Drawing" - choosing one card to meditate on for that particular day. I'd seen it suggested before in Tarot workbooks and blogs, and I was reminded of it again when I read a comment from a reader on my Giveaway blog post and I saw that she devoted her blog to daily readings of cards.

I've never done it before, so I shuffled the cards and pulled this one at random from the deck:

My personal interpretation of this card is that it is one of "playing a new role." Generally in readings for other people, I see this card come up when someone has had a change of circumstance (be it a conscious decision or thrust upon them) and must take on new responsibilities or display aspects of themselves that they aren't used to - for example, they have made a change in their career or they are no longer in a certain relationship that defined them and they now see different meaning in themselves and to the people around them.

I always think of the woman in the card as reaching for a garment or costume, something to clothe her in an outward facade that matches what she feels (or wants to feel) on the inside. Something struck me about this card today - her nakedness. That might seem obvious, but I'd never considered it in quite this way before - keep reading...

I've been teaching art workshops to kids all summer. While I've had some very focused and creative kids in my classes, I've also had some rambunctious ones that have been the cause of some very draining moments. I'm very sensitive to noise, and last week I started to develop a low-grade headache during class because of children that wouldn't stop talking or playing around when I tried to call them to attention. Yesterday, I had a sinking feeling that my new round of 6 - 8 year-olds was going to be even harder to handle than the last. I still don't feel totally comfortable being an authoritative figure. When I first started teaching children three years ago, I hated telling kids, "No" or "Stop that." I do it freely now. But there are still times when kids ask me questions and there is a grey area in the answer. I ask myself, what would an "adult" say in this situation? Or times when I don't know exactly how to react to what a child does or says. How do I teach wrong from right when there are so many larger issues at play? Teaching has taught me many things, and one is that I must be fully present and responsive, or I can let an opportunity pass and be unchallenged. I can now understand why teachers get lazy and pretend not to see what is going on. It takes so much responsibility to absorb and react to every single moment.

I thought about what Card #29 had to teach me about my present situation. When someone goes through a shift and has to play a role that is new or uncomfortable to them, they experience a moment of transition where they must strip themselves of former notions and reach for the garment that will clothe them in the confidence required to "play their part." Within that transition is a moment of nudity - of utter starkness and vulnerability. As humans, we go through these kinds of shifts everyday. In the very practiced, that shift may be imperceptible. In others, it may be empowering as they choose to see and present themselves in a new light. And in others, the shift may seem clunky and even embarrassing. It can be painful to watch others' uncertainty. We don't always have to be comfortable with the roles we play. But if it's important enough to us, we need to at least give it a try - even if that means merely pretending until we feel that we can embody the part.

This morning before I set off to my class, I thought about the freshness of such shifting roles. That I can choose play the role of "Teacher" and take it off more easily than I used to when I first began teaching. That within that role there is a multitude of variables and factors in every moment - in myself, in my students, in our relationship to each other. It reminded me that each day is new and full of possibilities, and that I don't have to weigh myself down with my own expectations. I can allow that nakedness to clear the slate.

Today during class, my kids seemed more focused. I still had a little trouble getting them to listen to directions, but I got a tip from one of them. While helping Logan glue bits of "grass" - green paper paper that he had fringed on the edges - onto his pop-up card, he gave me a tip: "You should say '1-2-3, eyes on me!' the way our other teacher does. Then all the students will look straight into your eyes like this," and he proceeded to give me a wide-eyed, mesmerized stare. I agreed that I would try it out.

When I next needed the class's attention, I called out "1-2-3, eyes on me!" I got about half of the kids to look up at me quietly, which was more than normal. I looked over at Logan. He beamed and nodded his head at me. I guess I'd done something right.

Dialogue:
What does Card #29 mean to you? Were/Are you in a situation where you had to take on a new role? How did that feel? What role do you fear? What role do you desire? What role liberates you?

Origins

This will be the first in what I hope to be many dialogues sharing our experiences using The Golden Moth Illumination Deck. For many, using the deck is a very new experience, since I only made them available last month. But you must remember that creating and using the deck is also a relatively new experience for myself.

Three years ago in August, I was preparing for my first craft show since moving to Richmond, Virginia. I had just moved earlier that summer, and was having trouble finding a job. I really didn't want to work at the same food service chain that I had left when I lived in Portland, Oregon, yet I also didn't have much luck finding places who were hiring (or would hire me, at least). After making a few feeble attempts to transfer to said Food Chain, I decided to stop trying. I had more time on my hands, and less money. However, I had been so unhappy working in food service that I decided I would use my time by diving into anything art-related I could find in Richmond. I volunteered for three months at The Visual Arts Center of Richmond (where I would later teach). I made a new zine about my observations of being in Richmond. And I scouted out for any craft fairs I could be a part of. My first was the annual Jonny Z Fest, organized by Art 180.

A few days before the fest, I decided to make a very quick rendition of my own "tarot" deck. But instead of traditional tarot images, I would use my own imagery. I was never a very skilled reader of tarot, but I was fascinated by it and other forms of divination such as I Ching and Runes. I had learned from my limited encounters with these forms that there are many ways to express similar sentiments and concepts, and that each form has its own special slant based on the culture and time period it was devised in. I decided it would be easier for me, as an artist, to create my own imagery that I felt could speak on a personal level to me, but also be highly relatable to others.

I sketched out tiny little rectangles in my sketchbook and quickly filled them with images and corresponding "titles." The drawings and concepts poured out of me as if they'd been incubating for years and just needed the opportunity to be released. After two short drawing sessions, I think I had about 60 cards sketched out. I cut up pieces of cardstock and drew the images onto tiny cards in the same simple, bare-bones fashion I'd made the sketches. I figured I would work on perfecting the drawings at a later time. After consulting with my sister and then-boyfriend, I decided I wouldn't title the cards. I always found it difficult in tarot to separate the meanings of the cards from their names. Some cards like "Death" or "The Devil" immediately inspired negative connotations to me that were hard to shake even when I knew that their symbolism was deeper, more subtle, and at times opposing to what I thought they were. My decision to not title the cards was also inspired by a deck called "SoulCards" which had images without titles or predefined meanings, meant to evoke creative expression and interpretation from the reader without any previous experience.

I was excited and nervous about bringing my cards to the craft show. I had never done a reading for a stranger before, and certainly never asked for monetary donations for doing one. But for some reason, I had confidence that the cards would "work." I had done "readings" in the past for people that were nothing like tarot readings. It's hard to explain without giving it away (which would defeat its purpose), but it's a visualization exercise that I found in a young adult novel years ago. I asked people to describe what they saw when given a certain situation and objects to visualize. I would draw these things and make notes about them that they could look at later. From their descriptions, I interpreted what each thing meant about themselves and their personality. I found that people almost always responded in a surprised fashion at these interpretations, amazed at how well the interpretations seemed to represent them. I realized I was good at those kinds of readings because I am an artist and I am highly drawn to symbolism and visual representations of what goes on "under the surface." For that reason, I believe my visual language/intelligence is more finely-attuned and one of my strongest assets.

I did three card readings at the Jonny Z Fest. Honestly, I can't remember too much about the readings. I knew I had to be confident and trust the cards in order for them to work. I had to have faith. One person responded in a sort of neutral fashion, but I remember that one lady seemed really excited about her reading. All I remember is that it was enough for me to feel gratified about the whole process myself. I had helped a few people gain some clarity over situations or problems they were facing, or at least gave them another way to look at things. The cards related to their questions in a way that was not purely coincidental or random they way some newspaper horoscopes seem to be. I had dialogues with strangers about their personal matters, connecting in a way that seldom has the opportunity to flourish under normal circumstances.

For the last three years, I have honed my own reading style more and more. That is not to say that I am an expert. There are times when I lack confidence and feel that I am not giving the Questioner the experience or answers they had hoped for. However, I've found that it's impossible to please everyone. The majority of the experiences I've shared with others make the process of reading cards to be enjoyable, enlightening, and satisfying to me. I used to think I was "telling the future" for others. But I am not a psychic. At best, I can be highly intuitive, at worst hesitating and doubtful. I've found that reading cards for others is part divination/part healing process - allowing others to share their uncertainty and view situations from a new perspective. I've observed people become emotional, shed tears, release unhealthy expectations, and express joy. I've seen an emotional shift in a person who sat down next to me, from slightly skeptical to elated. To put it visually, it's as if a door opened inside of them and they became filled with light and energy.

As I continue to read the cards, I find that I increasingly ask for input from the Questioner. I find that they have a lot to teach me, in terms of how they interpret the cards and how the images apply to their situation. I think that having a conversation about the cards is an important part of the process, as opposed to me giving the interpretations and not having any input. However, I've read for people who would only nod their head or look at the cards with a bemused expression, who would say things like "this card makes a lot of sense to me" and not  elaborate any further. I've respected their silence as well, for everyone processes experiences differently and sharing should be a purely voluntary response.

Dialogue:
What is your experience using the cards? Did you purchase the cards yourself, or are they a gift from a friend? Have you read tarot before or worked with other forms of divination? How does reading these cards compare? Have you never read cards before? How do you feel as a beginner? Any stories you'd like to share? Questions?

I can't wait to hear all about it! Please leave your comments here and feel free to "talk" to others who respond. I do believe that we can all learn from each other, and I plan to keep writing posts that inspire an active dialogue and friendship among the Golden Moth community. Part of the reason I was so excited to release this deck to the public was seeing how the use of the cards would grow and change through the collective experiences of others. That includes you!


xo aijung